Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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