why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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