Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
