So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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