The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
