porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
