that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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