"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
