This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
