I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
