I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
