You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
