what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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