VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
