What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
