I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
