I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
