letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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