I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
