Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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