oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
