Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
