so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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