they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
