My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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