I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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