And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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