dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
