So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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