She's like a pop up book from hell.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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