but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
