he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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