Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
