I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
