That's intense
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
