Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
