Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just high enough for therapy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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