I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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