Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
