Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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