I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
smell my finger.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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