I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you will always have a special place in my vag
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
