i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Girls should come with a carfax report
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
