cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
