found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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