Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
