Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
