Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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