i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
