You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I supernannyed him into submission
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
