Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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