I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
