So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
