9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
