i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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