It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
