My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
