Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
