Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my being single is dangerous.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
