so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
