If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
