In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
