thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
