Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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