my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
