Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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