I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.