I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
