dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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