I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
