Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
